#whatever im comitted to it now

[milkwands]

for a lot of reasons but the one im locked in on is he said hi to me for the first time in a while

im so happy today

[i-cant-sing]

I'm surprised by how open you are about your views on 'controversial' topics. As someone who works in a hospital and a certain group of university in the US, I had to sign a contract that prevents me from speaking out on these matters. How do you manage discussing such topics in your role?

I mean where I'm from, we have much bigger issues than just someone's opinions. Idk what controversial topics youre talking about, but i dont be just going about and giving my opinions to everyone and anyone. No, not everyone gets it and my time is far much more valuable than to talk sense to an ignorant person who will just make it look like im banging my head against the wall. Also because opinions are constantly changing because Im also in a growing age and im still learning new things everyday. if you were to see my views from 10 years back, youd be surprised. but then again, i was still a teen back then and i was easily influenced so back then i used to think being a feminist is being "anti man" or that being "feminine" is wrong and weak, which is not true obviously.

again idk what controversial topics youre talking about, but im gonna take a guess its about the gaza genocide being comitted by israel and look, there is only one fact, not opinion but FACT! and thats that Israel is murdering Palestinians actively, torturing them, doing ethnic cleanising and still trynna defend themselves for murdering babies in the worst way possible, and then some. there is no other side to this- there is no excuse for israel to do this, not now, not then and not ever. they are comitting crimes WAY WORSE THAN THEIR OWN HOLOCAUST, and its so enraging to see how nonchalant they are about it, how they have ZERO humanity, how they are actually worse than the NAZIS- imagine being worse than Nazis.

now back to your question- how do i manage giving my two cents on this? I'm Muslim, and even if I wasnt i think its the pretty obvious and sane thing to do, but Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "Whoever sees something evil should change it with his hands. If he cannot, then with his tongue; and if he cannot do that, then in his heart- and that is the weakest of faith"

So if anyone of you can go volunteer in Gaza, or give humanatarian aid or donate, then he should do so. If you are not in a position to do that, then you should speak up, go to protests, post on your socials and raise awareness and keep up the boycott. If you are not even able to do that for whatever reason, then at least in your heart you should know that this is evil, go pray for palestinians, and keep on reminding yourself so that you dont get brainwashed into any western propaganda ever again about how Muslims are just deserving of this horrendous hate crime on such a level.

secondly, my reason for speaking up about this is because lets just forget for a moment that palestinians are majorly muslims and this is islamophobia. lets just consider them humans, okay? u could hate muslims adults all u want, but kids dont really have that much of a grasp on religion right? so, do you think that if Israel has and continues to comit a massacre on this level while the entire world watches, while everyone calls them out on their shit, while they have repeatedly documented their own disgusting tortures and crimes against these palestinians, have been called out by UN and the INTERNATIONA CRIMINAL COURT numerous times and they still continue on with this genocide, then what makes you think that you or i are safe?

If we let this continue on, if we dont speak up, then this is just giving a free pass to not only Israel but also anyone to go absolutely batshit crazy on any other country. The very fact that youre not in gaza and sitting in your home safe and cozy is by pure luck. But luck runs out eventually. And karma comes. What goes around, comes around. You stay quiet today over this matter, you dont try to help palestinians, then no one's gonna come for you too.

[rainswept]

you ask for Fontaine brain rot/reqs, I deliver.

So idk if you've done the recent archon quest and lyney/lynette story quest so if you haven;t be careful caus i will be spoling !

SO

That part where Lyney is freaking out over Freminet and Lynette had me SCREAMING especially since ive done their story quest AND ALSO FRIENDSHIP 10 LYNEY SO I HAVE THE LORE AND IT HURTS SM but I won't spoil all that for u-

so anyways, i started thinking, imagine Lyney has a lover who's been with the siblings for years (and also works for Arlecchino) and is considered another sibling by Lynette and Freminet. They were also diving with Freminet when they encountered water from the primordial sea

now imagine clorinde can only take one person with her at a time when she pulls them back, and she saves Freminet first, later going back for Lyney's s/o

Eventually Freminet wakes up like he does in the quest, but the reader just.. doesn't. Hours pass and the siblings are freaking tf out because they don't want to lose anyone.

(now I can't decide if I crave angst or if I want to comfort my babies so ill give my headcanons for both shiguegoe)

angst: Lyney's lover keeps deteriorating, parts of them gradually turning blue and quite literally withering away (caus you know the water and the dissapearances- yeah-) and the siblings can do nothing but watch

Lynette shuts down more frequently and for longer periods, not even saying anything to Lyney

Freminet blames himself for not noticing sooner, for not getting them out sooner

And then there's Lyney.. he blames himself for not only putting his siblings in danger, but losing his lover...

He sits by their bed watching as they wither away, holding their hand. He knows Father will be upset by his lack of comitment to the mission but he can't bring himself to care

The day they pass, no one says a word. They continue with their mission, report to Father, go on with their Fontainian lives until they're alone and they cry. they cry and scream and curse whatever archons or god's are listening.

AND NOW BEFORE I CRY THE HAPPIER VERSION

After days of not waking up, they finally open their eyes.

Lyney is fretting over them asking if they know where they are, who he is, what happened etc

now to throw in a tidbit of angst, what if they awoke with some disability? like they cant see anymore, they can't hear properly, cant walk properly etc

Lyney and Freminet would devasted because they blame themselves. Lynette would be quick to remind her brothers at least everyone is alive.

It'd be bad because with a disability, they can't work for Father anymore, or at least not the way they used to

AHHEOGUHEOG im stuck in a neverending brain rot my guy

Anyways. I was actually going to request for you to write your own take on this but you don't have to if you dont want- even just hearing your take would be nice lmao

also if its ok i reallly wanna be mutuals! I just found you blog and im obssesed!! I really wanna be friends<3

NO BECAUSE I SCREECHED SO LOUD MULTIPLE TIMES READING THIS !! THANK U SO MUCH YES OFC I WANNA BE MUTUALS/FRIENDS!! genuinely absolutely made my day to have u ask that oh my god??

also don’t worry about spoiling anything for me, i’ve read every little bit of lyney/lynette/freminet lore out there 😭 and i’ve done all of the new fontaine archon quests already (i need help. it’s okay though!)

as for angst — u know me so well already this is my forte. cracks knuckles here i go

freminet feels as if something is off.

already beginning to panic, he turns to you in a hurry. the water swishes in his ears. when you meet his gaze, wide-eyed, the gut ‘feeling’ turns into a full-blown punch to it. oh, now he realizes; he can’t breathe. his heart’s racing, chest tightening and throat feeling as if it’s closing up.

you reach out, and exchanging unspoken words, you two turn around and make to retrace your patterns with haste. hand in hand, you race against frittered time; but even your best efforts are not enough, and the both of you are forced to acknowledge it when freminet’s vision begins to turn spotty.

he got in the water first; he’s gone before you are. his body floats limp beside you as you drag him along through the water, even as the surroundings grow hazy for you, too. a cold tingle runs up your spine as you consider the possibility; is this the end?

(when you had left for the pipes, the most you had exchanged with lyney was a quick kiss on the cheek as a goodbye. that wouldn’t do.)

but even as you try desperately to cling to life .. the “sea” is a cruel thing, and it does not care for your mortal frivolities. (a proper goodbye? .. foolish.) with cold, disorienting water enveloping your senses from all sides, your only grounding thing being freminet’s (rapidly cooling) fingers against yours — it didn’t take long before you succumbed to the “sea”, too.

(your last thought as the world went dark was “i’m sorry.”)

(even in your barely conscious state, you feel another wave of panic surge through you when freminet’s fingers slip away from yours — but you don’t have enough energy to hold on.)

reader lives:

the incessant thrum of the water rushing through pipes rattled in your ears. your whole body was sore, weak and tired; and all of your limbs felt like lead attached to you via shoddy workmanship. your head hurt like hell, and what’s worse is that the moment you opened your eyes, you were immediately met with the sight of the three people you cherished most.

first, there was freminet, who was sitting on the bed opposite to yours. his posture fixes from a slouch into proper the moment he spots you, perhaps in.. excitement? shock? you weren’t sure. his eyes lit up, though.

second, there was lynette. she was .. a bit more on edge than usual. that was .. to be expected, of course, but really. you were out for.. what, an hour or two? come on, all four of you put yourselves in danger all the time. what was different about this?

(what was different was the fact that you were not out for an hour or two. no, make that days. they were sure to remind you of this.)

then, there was lyney. for him, the world seemed to stop.

lyney, who was pacing the room in sheer desperation. he walked and walked, boots timed and in tune with the clocks and dripping water from the pipes. in his nervousness, he had unwittingly created a quite fitting melody.

(the only sounds once he ceases walking are the clocks and the water dripping from the pipes.)

lyney, who had rushed to your bedside the moment he had noticed you were up. he looked exhausted, but the second you were awake the mask was .. attempted .. to be put back on. however .. it didn’t take someone as observant as you, or even one who knew him so well, to notice that it was placed crooked.

(how absurd he looked, trying to put on a front everyone in the room knew was one.)

why, even, you would have bet that it could’ve been surmised by a child. once again, emphasis on ‘you would have’, for there was no time for thinking about that when he rushed to your bedside and enveloped you into an embrace. you didn’t miss the way his fingers grasped at the back of your shirt in downright desperation.

(in clear, bold letters, it reads; “if nothing else, please let this be real.”)

he slots himself beside you and, wordlessly, holds you close. he doesn’t need words — neither of you do. this is enough.

lynette and freminet looked on, neither of them opening their mouths when lyney buries his face into the crook of your neck and stays there for just a bit too long. he doesn’t cry. instead, he whispers shakily against your skin; “i thought i’d lost you.”

(the only sounds once he ceases speaking are the clocks and the water dripping from the pipes.

(no one speaks up just yet.)

(the only sounds in the room are the clocks and the water dripping from the pipes.)

(you’re starting to think those were the only sounds ever there.)

when he finally pulls away, you notice he’s fixed his mask. lyney now smiles, and the shake in his voice is gone; but you know it’s not all better, not when he refuses to leave the infirmary even after sigewinne and the traveler inquire. you know it’s not all better, not when the four of you are alone again. lyney sits beside you on the bed, refusing to so much as stand up (he doesn’t want to let go of your hand. you don’t comment on it, but his fingers are still shaky as he holds onto yours like they’re a lifeline.)

you don’t exchange as much as a single word after that. you just bask in each other’s presence, apologies and pleas and “i love you” shared during every lingering glance between everyone in the room.

the four of you don’t need words. this is enough.

reader dies:

seven mistakes went unnoticed. seven signs went unfollowed. seven things (and five people) went wrong that day.

one: freminet.

it was entirely freminet’s fault, he thinks, it was. if only he had gotten you out of there in time. no — he shouldn’t have even brought you. he sits on the infirmary bed opposite to yours, knees pulled up to his chest, and he clutches pers with a death grip. he dips his head in such a way that his face is hidden with his hair; he doesn’t want to let lyney and lynette see him in this state. they have enough to deal with.

two: the primordial sea.

but they were bound to notice eventually, right?

“it was entirely the primordial sea’s fault,” lynette would remind, hand on freminet’s shoulder. “it wasn’t yours.”

the primordial sea. the cold and vicious waters were such a contrast to those he held so dear; what was typically calming and merciful turned to something suffocating and terrifying. but that didn’t change the fact that it was an inanimate thing.

he drops pers at the contact; it clatters to the floor; he looks down, wide-eyed and apologetic; he reaches down to pick it up. lynette does not put her hand on his shoulder again.

three: wriothesley.

“it was entirely wriothesley’s fault,” lyney wants to scream. he’s frantic, pacing the infirmary and voice cracking every time he speaks. lynette and freminet have seldom seen him so panicked. he needs to do something, he needs— he can’t. he can’t leave. once he gets his hands on wriothesley, he swears he’ll—

four: clorinde.

it was entirely clorinde’s fault. it was entirely her choice to pick only one of you to save. no one can bring themselves to be upset at her, for she did try to save both of you. but the realization slowly dawns upon the three children of the house of the hearth still with a steady heartbeat; it was either going to be you or freminet.

they realize this at different times. every time they do, they exchange a silent, quick glance.

freminet would’ve gladly given up his life. lyney and lynette, however .. they would not have been able to choose.

five: the gods.

it was entirely the gods’ fault. curse the gods, lyney thinks. he’s still pacing the room, and while he never put much stock in the divine, he was practically yelling at them now. he knew it wasn’t logical. but he needed something. what was the point of a god if not to help their people? what was the point of a god if just to watch people suffer like it’s an opera?

was she here now? was she watching? was this a “twist” for her? did she delight in this?

six: lyney.

it was entirely lyney’s fault. he shouldn’t have let you or freminet go. he shouldn’t have. he shouldn’t have let wriothesley play him like he was a deck of cards in his hands. this was all his fault. all his fault. he knew of the prophecy, dedicated his whole life to it — and yet hadn’t managed to save you from its clutches?

seven: you.

in truth — it was no one’s fault. but lyney is still pacing the room, breathing getting heavier and more rapid every time he steals a glance at you. lynette’s eyes still trace his every move, conveniently ignoring the sight of you as best she could; and freminet still has his face buried in his knees as to not look at your decaying body.

none of them can deal with the fact that it was simply an accident. no one meant for this to happen — there was no one to blame.

they needed someone to blame.

so each and every one of them blamed themselves. as lyney’s fingers grasped your cold ones, he squeezed them softly even as they began to turn blue beneath his grasp. he couldn’t bare to let you go.

and after three long days, the sun rose to find your bed empty where you had laid. you were nowhere to be found. for a moment, lyney’s heart practically leapt out of his chest, wondering .. did you get up?

but as he rushes to the bedside, his face falls. he should’ve known not to get his hopes up.

the blankets were damp where you had laid, soaked with water just as the stage in the opera epiclese had been.

lyney didn’t cry, nor did lynette or freminet.

they didn’t exchange so much as a word the day you died.

instead, they put their aching hearts and empty souls into the mission at hand. they worked twice as hard to distract themselves, and they provided excellent results for “father” — but they had barely worked together to do so.

they exchanged cold words and they held each other at night, when the pain became too much — because as much as they tried to pretend like nothing happened, that was a lie, just as the rest of their existence — but there was no mistaking it. they were now divided.

there was always you. and now there wasn’t.

lynette was the one who informed “father” of your .. whereabouts. lyney couldn’t bring himself to.

[4pfsukuna]

jealous!sukuna story here👇🏾

kings-get-jealous-to

Akward

The last thing Nanami kento expected to see at Gojo’s party (that he basically tricked him into going to) was his ex girl from 4 years ago in a black mini silk dress that if you just bent over a tad bit more—

“You alright man?” Gojo ask slapping his blonde hair friends back snapping him back to the reality where his cup of alcohol had been crushed completely in his hand.

He was sure of Two things in this moment.

His hand was wet and 2? He wasnt letting you get away again.

———

Incubus curse

After the mission Gojo sent you and Namami on to get rid of some incubus curse (which he didnt mention)  Nanami is shocked when you dont show up to the school the next day and decides to pay you a visit.

“I want you to bend me over every surface including my balcony until neither of us have any energy left… and then go for one more round”

Part two

What if Nanami is the one who suffers the effects of the incubus curse instead of you?

He felt fine and whatever silly little pink dust the cursed spirit sprayed mustve been just that, that’s until he catches a glimpse of you pinning one of the students to the ground and damn would he work endless amounts of overtime to be under you like that— what was he saying?! Shaking his head he almost completely looses it when he watches the way your ass jiggles in your shorts and wonders how back shots would be.

Its not long before hes back in his office gripping his length in his fist and bottom lip between his teeth to quiet his moans.

“Nanami you shouldve said something”

“Like what? How i want to have you moaning and beging to cum for a fifth time with tears in your eyes? Or that i want to watch your eyes get  wide as you swallow my dick taking it to the back of your throat like the good girl i know you are? Or that i want to fill you up with every drop of my seed to put my claim on you and my self control is dwindling because i can smell your arousal and i just want to burry my face in it” he says with pure raw desire as his eyes burn into mine.

——

Professor reward & punishment.

You suck at college math and luckily your neighbor who happens to be a proffessor offers to tutor you after you helped him out a few nights ago.

“Since you can’t seem to pay attention, for every answer you get right ill put in another finger and for every wrong answer you put clothes on reducing the friction.” He holds my jaw making sure im listening.

“And extra credit” i tease before he begins rolling his sleeves up the bulge of his muscles ans loosening his tie yanking aggresively.

A dark smirk reaches his lips that ive never seen before and ive never wanted to be more accurate in… whatever subject we were studying for again.

————

Jealous!Sukuna

You and sukuna had gone back and forth so much its almost like you forgot yuji was his vessel, almost like you forgot he was the king of curses.

But none of that mattered now you (23) and yuji also of age had comitted to getting drunk and letting loose for once.

Sukuna pays it no mind as you aimlessly flirt with some guy at the bar but your eyes are on him. Not the guy, not yuji but Sukuna who had taken over since yuji was to drunk to fight back.

He could easily burn the world to the ground and nothing could stop him except for the look in your eyes when your tounge trails up his abs to his chest tracing his tattoo that the only fire burning hes worried about is the one in your eyes.

“Id pleasure you in ways no woman in your 1000 years of existance could even think about” i smirk before flipping us over so im on top us still connected by our hips moving my hand from his wrist to his neck making him purr.

——

Dad!Sukuna

More of a drabble aka the 3 times his kids call him daddy and the one time you do.

“Get in the cage!” 

“Sukuna stop telling them that! Theres no cage”

“He put fucking smiley faces in my book of incantations” he growls showing me the smiley faces with red eyes, fangs and a crooked smile.

“Oooh he drew you is that why youre mad” i tease watching him seathe as the sound of footsteps running upstairs can be heard smoke nearly comes out of his ears and foam from his mouth.

“As shitty as the smiley face may be he drew it because of you, now stop being such a sourpuss! if you be nice ill even call you daddy and let you give me another little you” i peck his lips listening to the growl of disappointment from pulling away too fast.

“I don’t think i told them how much i love them today” He mumbles pulling me into his lap.

[nothing-personal-posts]

"I'm The Crazy One?" (Batfam x Batsis) pt 1

Summary: You got hit with fear gas. But something isn't right. And it takes your family a while to relize it might be too late.

CW: Death, mental health issues, hallucinations, violence, mention of blood, guns, angst ect.

You don't usually go onto the field, you help Barbra most of the times. You can fight, no doubt about it. But Bruce knows you have a past about you comitting violence, so he never calls you for help on the field.

But one mission, you needed to be with them. Bruce didn't call you to come, even if they needed your help, he didn't want to put you in a uncomfortable position like that.

You knew he would do that, so you rolled in without notice. Good thing you did, because Tim and Steph looked like they were having a hard time.

So you helped get the goons off their backs

"Y/n? What are you doing here!" Steph looked at you in the suite you had on. She almost forgot how you looked in your suite.

"Heard you guys were having a hard time. Thought I could drop in." You played with the blade in your hand.

"Batman isn't going to be happy with this." Tim mumbled. You frown and throw the knife past Tim, knocking out a goon in the process.

"I don't expect him too"

The mission had ended, Batman scolded you but thanked you for the help. Right before you all were leave, you were hit with fear gas.

When you came to, it had been 3 days for everyone else. When the fear gas took over your mind, you had injured Tim and Duke through your hallucinations. You felt horrbile about it.

But Bruce and the others were there to reassure you, it was not your fault.

It took awhile for you to get back on your feet, but everyone was there to support you. You acted weird a lot, but they assumed it was due to side effects from the gas. Like, when you would space out, be out in the manor at late hours when you should have been in bed. Just wondering, and forgetting what time you were in.

Dick was searching for you, wanting to know if you wanted to it some sweets Cass bought. He asked Alfred where you were, and claimed that you might be in either the library or the screen room. Dick checked both locations and couldn't find you. So he decided to go for your room. But on his way, he passes Damian's room. The door wide open, and you in the middle.

"Why would you say that. . . .? I would never let anything happen to you. I promise." You were talking, but to who? Damian was in the batcave training with Jason.

Dick spoke your name. You snapped out of whatever trance you were in and turned to look at Dick. You then looked around the room in confusion. Dick aproched you slowly

"Y/n. . .look at me." Dick held you by your shoulders. You looked at Dick with teary eyes.

"I. . . where is Damian?" You question. "He's with Bruce"

Dick's reply had you give out a shaky sigh of relief. "I-Im sorry." You chuckled "I've been out of it, so know. Just havn't gotten enough sleep."

Dick frowns and held your arm "Come on, let's get you to bed now. Alright?" He said with a small smile. You agree and have him lead you to bed.

Your behavior had gotten. . .worse? Worse was not the words for it at the moment.

Bruce was deep in sleep, woken up by Alfred.

"Master Bruce. There is a problem down in foyor."

Bruce groans as he sat up from his bed "What is it?"

"It is Miss Y/n." Alfred replied.

Bruce sighed " Sleep walking again?" Bruce began to walk with Alfred down the hall.

"Yes."

Once the two got down to the foyor, they see you walking against the door repeatedly.

The words "I did it" coming from your mouth in a small whisper.

"Alright, let's get you back to bed." Bruce grabbed you by your shoulder. You were quick to suprise Bruce by gripping the wrist to the hand he had on you.

Your eyes were open, a look of desperation in those eyes "I did it! I did- I did it. . ." You spoke breathlessly, cold sweat on you as if you had awoken from a nightmare.

Bruce frowns and glances a look of concern to Alfred, who shared the same look of worry.

Your eyes closed once more, your head layed on the older mans chest. Bruce sighed and picked you up as you mumbled words to him.

"I'm sorry daddy. . .im sorry" Those words came out almost as a whine. Bruce's grip tightend as he walked up the stairs, "It's alright. . . your alright." Bruce avoided your room and took you to his own. And watched you sleep. Already taking note to look deeper into the fear gas you were hit with.

Tim and Barbra got to researching whilst Jason and Cass helped Bruce and Damian seek out information about that fear gas.

It was late into the night, Duke had watched over you the whole day. He was worried himself of what was going on with you. Alfred helped him escort you whereever you wanted to go.

Now, the boy layed in bed. Dreading his upcoming exams.

He then was awoken by something weighing on him. When he opend his eyes. There he saw you, on top of him, eyes closed shut with a screw driver against his throat.

He panicked, his hand wondered to his nightstand where a batarang was. His hand hovered over it, then looked back at you.

Shaking as you whispered words he didn't understand.

He then used one hand to take ahold of your arm, and shake you gently. Saying your name, hoping you would snap out of it.

And when you did. You just stared at the boy. Confusion as to why you were there.

"Y/n, what the hell!" Duke scooted away from you. You dropped the screw driver. Your mind still seemed far away before you looked at Duke, and smiled.

"Duke. . .hi."

"Y/n, what's going on." Duke wasn't the serious type. So seeing him so stern, worried you. Because you didn't see what was wrong. Refused to see what was wrong.

"I don't, know what your say?" You truly looked confused. But your eyes. . . your eyes looked crazed.

It scared him.

"You held a screw driver, to my throat." Duke held his throat. You gave him a look, and shook your head. "No I didn't" you let out a small chuckle.

"Yes, you did! Y/n--"

"No! No I didn't. I wouldn't do that--" Y/n cupped Duke's face. Tears threatening to fall, shaking her head "I wouldn't do that! Id never hurt you I promise!"

Duke held you firmly by your arms. "Y/n look at me."

You stopped talking and stared into the boys eyes. And he saw it, you need help.

Bruce decided that you needed time alone. So you agreed to go to a place Damian was sent to a while ago.

There, you were taken in by the monks. Meditate for as long as needed. Tale the time you need to rid yourself of whatever thoughts that spoiled you.

You were gone for a good month. That was until you received a letter. Saying you were needed back at Gotham. You didn't think to much of it, so you left. And head back to Gotham.

Joker, was a cruel man. When that cruel cought sight of you for the first time. His plans, began.

Joining with a lowly gang to cause enough trouble to force you out and help. And making a fear gas that would drive you insane. That was all him.

And bringing you back to Gotham. . .that was him.

And you fell for it. He has you now, tied up to an operation table. He used a special something he used on Jason way back them, on you.

He put you in a robin suit. Painted a mask over your eyes, spread listick on your lips to form a big smile.

Now before he could present you to dear old bats. He wanted you to do something that will brake you.

You woke up and felt pain all over your body. The floor, you were laying on the floor. That's what you could tell. It was cold and hard.

Your vision was still blurred, even when you sat up. You could feel something on the ground. It was wet. Was it water?

You started to see more clearly. And thats when you realized, that it wasn't water. It was blood

You stared at your hands, the blood. There was so much of it. It was on your cloths too! Wait. . .why are you wearing a robin suit. . .

Your eyes began to wonder further apart from yourself. That's when your heart dropped to your stomach.

"No. . ."

You crawled to a the body in front of you.

"No no no no no no. Wake up! Please!"

You held the body. Tears already falling from your eyes. It was a friend from school. A good friend who you cared for.

"Isn't it beautiful?"

Your head whiped to the direction of where the voice came. And there, you saw Joker.

"Joker! You bastred what did you do!" You shouted in anger. The man paused and dramaticly had his hands on his chest

"Me? Oh, that wasn't me. The one who did that. Who made this art. . .was you." The Joker gave his sickly smile. You shook your head.

"No. . .I would never--"

You looked down to your friend. Something had finally come to you. It was, daja vu

"Has it come to you now? Have you relized it." Joker chuckled and walked around you in cricals.

"No. . ." You whispered. Everything was coming back. The things you feared, were forcing it's way back into your mind.

"Those nightmares you would have. . .those hallucinations. Fearing of hurting the ones close to you in the worst ways possible. It's all true!" The Joker couldn't help but laugh at your face. The way you looked when you took in his words.

The look of utter terror and dispare in your eyes was hilarious to him. And he can't wait for the bats to have that same look.

The Joker left you in the room.

You held your dear friends body. Rocking back and forth as you repeted the words "I didn't do it"

Over and over again.

It must be true then. . .all those hallucinations you had, the nightmares of hurting everyone, one by one. It was the future?

You were going to hurt them. Just like you hurt your dear friend that layed lifeless in your arms. Telling from the defense marks she had, along with the scratches you had on your neck and arms.

Your friend tried to fight you back. But failed. Even with this knowledge. You still refused to believe it was you that had done this.

Bruce along with the others stared at you in horror. Under Joker's control again.

Blood still on your little Robin costum. Your painted mask was ruined by the tears you had shed earlier.

"No. . ."

"Oh my God."

". . . ."

Everyone wanted to go in and save you. But Joker stood by your side, he gave the group a sadistic smile.

"Look! It's your Daddy!" The Joker chuckled out. Meaning those words twards Batman himself.

"Come on sweetie. Say Daddy. Go on, say it."

You giggled with a dazed smile and held up the gun you had, pointing to Batman.

"Daddy. . .hehehe, Daddy~" Your movements were sloppy, like a drunken person. Giggling between your words.

"That fucker." Steph growled. Wanting to bash Joker's head in. Anger coursing through the whole group. But mainly fear.

Jason was close to hyperventilating. Past was repeating itself for a lot of them. It was bad enough to experience what you were going through, but to watch it happen again to someone else?

A nightmare the man never thought would come true nor even existed.

Joker's grin widened by seeing the expression on everyone. Especially Bruce. And it was fear. Pure fear.

Joker burst out in laughter "Yes! This, is what I wanted!"

Joker calmed down from his fit of laughter and held you by your shoulders from behind. "Now little one. Listen to me. Your Daddy over there is hurting real bad right now. How about we help him out? Yeah?"

You understood those words and shot at Batman repeatedly. Damian and Dick were quick to deflect the bullets as Bruce stood in place. Staring at you. Staring at whatever the Joker turned you into.

Joker broke out laughing again. Yoir small giggles mixing in. Damian was quick to try and run twards the two of you. But Joker was quick to make the boy stop in his tracks.

"Ah! Get any closer. Little birdy here gets a bullet to her head!" Joker pulled out a gun and held it to your head.

Seeing Damian stop caused Joker a lot of satisfaction. The Joker leaned in and whispered.

"Change of plans. Help little Robin first before helping dear old Dad."

Tears poured out from your eyes as you giggled and held the gun with two hands. Pointing right at Damian, who was ready to defend himself.

But suddenly, you elbowed the Joker in the chin and shot yourself. Joker cursed at the pain. Steph and Cass took the opportunity to get Joker before he starts shooting.

Your groan in the pain. You felt someon take you up into their eyes. You weakly look up to see Batman.

He was carring you like he did before.

"I'm sorry Daddy. . . I'm sorry."

Your words hit deeper this time around. Bruce held you tight. "It's alright. Your alright."

You hummed at his familiar reply and leaned onto his chest. Closing your eyes as the last tear drops fell from your eyes before falling unconscious.

[time-is-restored]

oh shit i forgot here's another one, this time its an old neal caffrey analysis rant (this one fueled by insomnia, and written much earlier into my first watch of white collar - i think early season 3??):

im gonna be weird about white collar but the thing is so many people are weird about white collar in the wrong direction

like woobifying neal to hell and back or inventing whole new personalities for el or . i don’t even know how to describe what they do to peter

like the thing about neal is he Is a magpie he’s just a surprisingly loyal one, he flits from shiny thing to person to ideal, sure, but certain classes of ppl can fully hold his attention

peter holds his attention bc he is good as in skilled (it’s borderline canon that no one else can catch him, or even really come close), and extremely principled w a cunning streak which neal basically approaches as like. a puzzle box, bc like none of their principles line up so he’s curious how the apparent closed system rube goldberg machine of his morals work LOL

then it becomes a dedication through loyalty, in that peter sticks his neck out multiple times due to faith in neal, and neal is EXTREMELY weak to loyalty/consistency (gestures at the mess of his childhood)

and due to generally low self image (morals wise, he kind of thinks he sucks? like he’s competent and cool and charming and everything, but he also tends to consider himself a nuisance, w how he’s disruptive to ‘normal’ / ‘good’ people) that dedication can become disproportionate

we see through kate (and later, adler) that the easiest way to con neal/get him acting against his own self interest IS to cultivate that loyalty

there’s an easy archetype to it, even, in that u present him with a competent, smart individual (bonus points if they’re a conventionally attractive woman), but have her off limits in some way (uninterested, taken, stand off ish, whatever), activate his thief urge to ‘take’ what he wants, then when they are friends/partners whatever, his inadvertent guilt over like. corrupting/endangering this person/tricking them about who he ‘really’ is will loop around into VERY strong loyalty, and a commitment to being whatever they want him to be x2, bc he Cannot handle being left behind LMAO

peter simultaneously feeds into + challenges this framework, bc he clearly has the least biased opinion about who neal is, even though he’s still wrong about a lot of things. and beyond that, he REALLY likes neal, thinks he’s interesting and funny, but at the start of the show can’t deal with even 0.01% of his chaotic neutral methods

WHICH IN TURN!! actually breaks through some of Neal’s shit bc:

peter picked him out of prison before neal had changed at all

he essentially sees his role, from as early as ep 1, as tactically breaking the law where peter can’t/won’t, in ways that help them close the case faster

after peter (more or less) gives a thumbs up the first time he does this, neals puzzle box brain goes ‘oh?? morally grey bestie??? CRIME BESTIE????’ and now he’s trying to ‘solve’ peter’s moral code

this is actually almost in complete opposition to elizabeth, who is compete open and clear about her affection and friendship w him basically since they meet, and apparently has no prerequisites for it. which, again, pointing to the low self esteem, triggers the ‘oh god what have i done to deserve this i haven’t even CONNED her yet’ so he’s low key more invested in + comitted to elizabeth in a specific. 'i want to be on good terms w this person' targeted way than he initially was w peter (since their mutual obsession manifests so fucking frequently as 'what, you're gonna hit me? you're gonna hit me with that big bat? better make it hurt. better kill me in one shot!' style antagonism)

HENCE the constant check ins w their relationship, reminding peter about anniversaries and dinner times etc, though that’s also due to a general fascination he has w stability + permanence

we learn in s2 he was seriously considering proposing to kate, and that he genuinely wanted to take the ‘true love’ way out of the conman life, even though he wasn’t quite sure whether it would stick, hence we see a lot in s2 his fascination w peter + els marriage, along with june (crime aunty <3)‘s relationship w her passed husband

a lot of his dedication to peter circa s2 is, by my reckoning, explicitly because peter is so determined to stick with Neal, and doesn’t give up on him/their deal even when it would be entirely reasonable (neal admits to crimes, gets put back in prison, constantly breaks rules and goes looking for kate) which is like. neal HATES being trapped, but he also REALLY values consistency + competency

hence the complexes, y'know?

[mythicalmyles]

( 🫧 ) Omggg that Jeff fic was absolutely amazing 🥺. I am back again to ask if you’d be interested in writing another fic for Jeff with a reader who tends to hole himself up in his room and is generally seen as very meek and as a loser by others? It’d be awesome if Jeff was into the humiliation bit but i trust your creative liberty! you rock. like actually. have a great night!!

I would comit genocide for u🥹 also jic it isnt clear readers an adult but still lives w parents (no hate im the same bro)

(Name) let out a scream as he ran through his hall, life on the line and heart pumping loud enough to echo through his ears. His instincts were on full alert as his feet pounded off his wooden floors.

(Name) could hear his attacker catching up, tears dripped down his face. He could make it, he was nearly there. His hand reached out to his door only to have his attacker body slam him into the door.

“Running for your mommy?” (Name) struggled relentlessly as he was pinned to the door, Jeff gripped his wrists and slammed them against the wooden surface. (Name) let out a pained yelp. “Please don’t hurt me.” He begged, repeating himself. All Jeff could do was laugh at his pathetic attempt to save his own life.

Jeff used one hand to pin his wrists above his head as his other hand gripped his hip, Jeff ground his own hips against (Names) ass.

“No no no no. Please no.” Was all he could do as he shook in Jeff’s constrictive hold. “God you are pathetic aren’t you?” (Name) let out a choked sob, head leaning against the door as he accepted his defeat.

“Giving up already? Holy shit even little girls fight back harder. You’re parents would probably be happy their waste of space son was gone.” (Name) sobbed at the mention of his parents, he couldn’t deny he had probably taken some advantage of their caring nature for him but he just wasn’t ready to leave the nest yet.

Jeff kept grinding against him, ignoring the way (Names) shoulders shook as he sobbed. “I bet you’re a virgin too.” (Names) lack of answer had Jeff bursting into hysterics. “Dont worry, i can take care of that.” Jeff let go of him, grabbing his hair as he dragged him to a table and bent him over it. (Name) just kept repeating “No.” as he stared ahead, looking right at his front door.

Jeff kept one hand pinning him down as his other hand pulled down his jeans and boxers, (Name) didn’t bother fighting him anymore. Instead choosing to stare ahead, hoping to blank out whatever was about to happen.

Jeff shoved two fingers into him causing him to let out a yelp, using his hands to try and drag himself away and failing due to the stronger mans hold on him. “Stop, please.” (Name begged uselessly as Jeff scissored him open. (Name) suddenly let out a loud moan as Jeff rammed into his prostate, (Name) hadn’t felt anything like it before.

Stars danced in his eyes as Jeff relentlessly attacked his pleasure spot. “Whaa-?” Was all (Name) could say inbetween moans. “God you really are a virgin.” Jeff’s tone was mocking, almost sounding like he felt bad for (Name).

“Do you even have any friends?” Jeff questioned, fingers still railing into (Names) ass. “N-no.” (Name) forced out through moans, he couldn’t deny the way Jeff was treating him had him rock hard and leaking precum.

Jeffs hand drifting down (Names) back and made its way to his cock, (Name) jumped and arched his back, moaning. Jeff gripped his cock and slowly dragged his hand up and down. Drool started dripping down (Names) chin, falling onto the table.

(Name) let out choked moans, unconsciously grinding his hips back against Jeff’s finger. “I degrade you and now you moan like a porn star for me? What a good little doggy you are.” (Name) moaned again as Jeff degraded him, his cock felt like it would burst if not for Jeff’s tight grip.

“Such a good boy, submitting for me.” Jeffs voice was deep and coated with lust, (Name) didn’t bother fighting him on it anymore, what Jeff was doing felt so good. (Names) stomach clenched, and he threw his head back.

(Name) couldn’t stop himself from letting out a disappointed groan as Jeff pulled his fingers out, Jeff chucked and undid his belt. He didn’t bother pinning (Name) down any more, figuring he was too much of a moaning mess.

“Good boy.” Jeff praised as he pushed his cock against (Names) hole, (Name) turned his head to look at him. His jaw was gaped and eyes were full of pleasure.

(Name) arched into it as Jeff gripped his hips and slid him onto his cock. “You’re so useless, the only thing you’re good for is a good fuck.” (Name) let out a loud moan, feeling Jeff sink his cock into him.

He let out a pained moan but didn’t stop sinking himself onto Jeffs cock. “Fuck.” Jeff whispered as he watched his would be murder victims hole swallow him up, pulling him in deeper.

Jeff couldn’t believe the tightness, he felt on cloud nine as his cock was buried deep into (Names) ass. “You should just be my little whore, ill take care of you’re dumb ass.” (Name) moaned, he didn’t think he’d like the idea of being someones cock whore so much.

Once Jeff was fully inside he took a moment before pulling almost completely out and slamming back in. The moan (Name) let out made Jeff hungry to see what other sounds he could make. Jeff kept up a quick , deep pace, relishing in every loud moan that poured from his new toys lips.

“Please. Please.” (Name) begged as his hand stretched back, gripping his ass and spreading it for Jeff. Tears rolled down his cheeks as his mind was hazed with pleasure, he moaned wantonly as Jeff sped up. The sound of Jeff’s hips slamming against (Names) ass filled the room, (Name) couldn’t hold back anymore and coated the underside of the table in his cum.

(Name) flopped onto the table, ignoring the way his skin dragged against the marble as Jeff continued to slam him back onto his cock. “Such a good fuck toy.” Jeff rasped as his head leaned back, his orgasm fast approaching.

(Name) moaned as he was over stimulated and his prostate was abused, Jeffs eyes doubled when (Name) came again a fee seconds later when Jeff was fucking him through his own orgasm.

Once they had both finished Jeff stayed stationary for a moment. “Did you just cum twice? Within moments? Holy shit.” Jeff laughed, except it didn’t sound mocking this time. More impressed then anything.

“You.. you’ll take care of me?” (Name) questioned, big eyes looking back at Jeff. Jeff’s torn up face shifted into a smirk, rubbing his fingers against (Names) hips. “Yes.” Was all Jeff responded before pulling his cock out of the tight grip (Names) ass had on him.

[random-meme-bot]

CID Monologic Trials: Case 1

THIS IS AN OLD VERSION, CLICK HERE FOR THE BETTER VERSION!

Index:

Intro + Characters

Case 1 (You are here)

So, this is the first actual post of me theorizing about CID, if you're interested in this thing, go check out the other post in which I explain who I think it´s capable of being a culprit in any of the chapters.

Of course this will contain spoilers for Cartoons In Danganronpa so go check it out before reading this, also bear in mind that everything is pure speculation and chances are I end up being wrong.

Chapter 1 Evidence (click on it)

Ok, first of all I think we shoud start by defining our prime suspects.

I will asume that the main motive (scaping the academy) is not the reason this crime was comited, and instead focus my attention on the motive given by Monokuma:

This leaves us with the following suspects:

Jenny

Morty

Mabel

Blossom/Bubbles

Ed/Eddy

Star

Vendetta

Zim

Kyle/Cartman

Out of this list we can remove:

Jenny: They woud not condemn a class full of inocent kids, even knowing that her mother's life it's at risk.

Mabel/Blossom/Bubles/Ed/Eddy: Same thing as Jenny, but with the added fact that their Brother/sister/Best Friend is in that class so they have least of a reason to do it.

Star: She doesn't remember Marco, and even if she did she woudn't condemn a class full of inocent kids, she is also the victim (although all that means is shelf defense murder and I don't think that's the case)

Kyle: As explained in the intro + Characters post, wright now he woudn't not do it, not even if that meant saving kenny (and getting rid of Cartman)

So, our Prime Suspect's are:

Morty

Vendetta

Zim

Cartman

So, with our suspects well defined, I think the next point of interest shoud be the body, starting with the cause of death:

Given the fact that no poison was found on the body, we have to assume tha the laceration on the throat is the cause of death since it's the only wound on the body, as for the murder weapon the only posible thing woud be the knife that was found on the kitchen.

No bloddy weapons were found and this is the only object that apears to be cleaned out so im certain it was used as murder weapon, now "why clean the weapon but leave the body and a trial of blood?" that's a question for later, for now.

Let's move to the blood on the body, the lack of it to be precise

Star's hands were found compleatly clean of any blood the two main theories of why this is the case are "She coudn't touch her neck because she was unable" and "She coudn't touch her neck because the death was instant".

The latter seems pretty unlikely due to the laceration not being on a vital organ so let's explore the first theory

Why was Star unable to touch her neck?

As Dib said during the investigation "When a persons throat is slit, their first instinct woud be to hold their neck to stop the bleeding and allevate the pain." With that information only reason that comes to mind is that, She coudn't move her arms, now the question shifts into Why?.

The answer to this becomes obvious once we convine two pieces of evidence:

The black smudgets indicate that the piece of string was in the cabinet with Star and whatever colored them black, (let's put a pinn in that as we will come back to it latter), so now we know that star had her hands tied up when she was killed, and that at some point she was also in the cabinet, this creates another question:

Why woud a tied up person be on a cabinet, but then murdered outside of it?

No mather how you look at it, it dosen't make sense, obiusly it wasn't in an atempt to hide the body, as it was found outside of it, an top of that no blood was on the cabinet, wihich means that when she was on the cabinet the crime still hadn't been comited. But that creates another set of questions

Why woud you hide your target?

Let's play pretend, let's say you're the killer, you have your victim wright were you want her, she is tied up, and everyone is sleeping...

Or are they? You hear footsteps somebody is comming, you don't have enough time to comit the murder and then clean up before they arive, so you think fast and push the victim into the first hiding spot you find.

Yes, I personaly belive that they we're more than two persons and a fiend that night in the crime scene, but for now let's just pinn that and continue with our rasoning, if star was still alive

Why didn't she screamed for help?

Any person in that situation woud have not only screamed but also moved as to let the other person know what was happening, the reason for this not happening is obvious, She coudn't, since we know the only restrained parts of Star were her hands, we have to asume that she was unconcious.

As for the reason, well... Here is when we get a little more speculative, she clearly wasn't hit on the head as the only wound was lethal, so my theory is that the killer used some drug or chemical for this process, since the Monokuma file #1 only mentionts that "no harmful chemicals were found" this woud be a possible loophole, I have no evidence for this but it's the only thing that makes sense.

Now continuing with my assumption, let's think

Where did the killer get the sleeping draught?

The're is only one place we're something like this woud be found, the infirmary. Now we know that the killer was in the infirmary at some point, but since Dipper was unconcious the whloe time we don't have a way of knowing who entered the place, except for the persons that took care of him (Ed & Morty).

Now let's go back to the first pinned Idea in our list of misteries,

The black smudges:

We know only one thing that coud have caused them:

Acording to Dipper "This had to have been painted a different color at some point" so it would've be normal for the sweater to leave paint in the places it's comes into contact with, but

Why woud the killer gone through all the trouble of painting a sweater?

So it would be harder for anybody to see them on the darkness of course, since this would have helped him surprise Star and it would have hidden him while escaping, it would also make sense if they were also wearing the sky mask to completely avoid recognition, so did the killer hid Star on top of the Sweater? this is a question better left unanswered for now. Let's leave the other pinned idea for latter as well and instead focus on,

Why was Star on the Kitchen?

Well according to a certain pice of evidence, she was lured there

Someone sent star a message telling her that they've finished something earlier than expected, and that they wanted to see her in the cafeteria to talk about another escape plan.

Of course all clues lead to this message been sent by either Blossom, Bubbles or Jenny,as they're the only ones that have tried any escape plans, and also were the only ones that were making something other than sleep (losing their powers) but according to bubbles they weren't done until 6:30 AM way pass the time the message was sent.

So somebody stole one of their Monokallers (I'm assuming during the whole gym scene as after that they were gone and also because Dipper getting captured would have created the perfect distraction) and pretending to be one of them send a message to Star luring her into the cafeteria.

As who's Monokaller is, I believe it's Jenny's as she being a robot will explain why it can be unlocked without the use of a fingerprint.

With that out of the way, let's continue with our Pinned ideas by addressing:

The third person.

Thanks to a few pieces of evidence we can deduce who whas in the kichen at the time of the crime.

Acording to Both Charlotte & Monokuma Cupcake was in the kitchen the whole night and even saw the boddy, Kyle saw Cartman going ito the kitchen at 11:50 AM and then waited for him on the stairs, he didn't saw anybody else before of after, of course Star and the killer were on the kitchen, and acording to the Monokaller that was found on Mabel's lab, Star was lured there at 11:50 AM.

All of this seems to point towards Cartman being the killer, however exactly because we know that he was at the scene of the crime, we also know, he coudn't have done it.

Acording to the Danganronpa rules "Once the body is found by three student's an anouncement will happend to alert everyone, Killer's do not count towards the student number", the anouncement happened the next morning when Bubbles found the corpse, we know she was alone because Dipper was the first person to arrive after the announcement, we know that Cupcake is one of the tree students, this mixed with Kyle's Testimony creates a perfect aliby for Cartman as the third student needed for the anouncement.

Kyle didn't see anybody else go down to the first floor so both the killer and star should already be in the kichen, except for the fact that dosen't make sense.

Why lure somebody to a place they already are?

So the only conclusion is that Star was able to get into the second floor without kyle seeing her, we know that she was in her room when she saw the mesage, afther all, her Monokaller was there.

Star left the room without the key to it? What a nonsensical move, specially since she remebered to bring her Dimensional Scissors.

(Soooo Tumblr only let's me put 10 images on posts, so you might gonna have to use the google dock of evidence from here on out... Sorry)

We know that Star's Scissors don't work since the portal she made to escape the School didn't work, but what if that wasn't the case...

I belive Star's Scissors work, but only on the School, this woud mean that she coud move throug the rooms basicaly instantly, this woud have alowed her to not only get into the first floor without beein spotted, but also it would explain another piece of evidence:

* Instert Gaz's Testimony *

Gaz claims that she got woken up by a bright flash, this happened twice that night, the first flash could be attributed to Star opening a portal to the cafeteria on the hallway, kyle was on the stairs between floors so he wouldn't have seen it, and the rest were asleep so they probably wouldn't have noticed.

Star would have gotten into the Cafeteria at 11:50 AM, the killer (that was already on the kitchen or flew to it when she teleported into the Cafeteria) lured Star into the kitchen where they left her unconscious, they heard Cartman approaching so they hid Star and the sweater into the cabinet, but remember our second question that we saved for later?

Why would the sweater be under Star?

The logical thing would have been to hide the Victim first in case you only have time to hide one thing... But what if we've been looking at it backwards?

What if they didn't want to hide the sweater, but instead to hide the thing inside the sweater.

I believe that the killer hide itself with star as to not be seen on the place where the body was gonna be found.

We almost have enough to formulate a full theory, but there's some evidence I wana touch upon:

First: Cupcake's behavior, something happened that night that made it so the only person she show's affection towards it's Cartman, and I believe this it's related with her only being able to recognize people by their face, as I previously stated I believe that the murderer had an sky mask the whole time, so cupcake was unable to determine who it was, however, she does know that it wasn't Cartman as she saw him enter and leave the kitchen, so this would just give him a second alibi.

Secondly: The hairball, no matter how much I look at it, the only connection I see to anything is when Cupcakes bite Vendetta in the ponytail during daily life, but I don't see how this would help, maybe it's just a red hearing?

Thirdly: The Monosauce, I think this was created on the Memwave because of Cartman, either intentionally because he discovered how it worked, or unintentionally because of the Memwave's voice option.

Fourthly and Last but not least: The Bloody trail: We've already established that star was killed in front of the cabinet , so a trail of blood that indicates the body was moved makes no sense, but what about

A trail of fake blood that exists just to mess with people?

If we take our attention into the Monosauce we can see that either the bottle or it's contents are of an orange color, with this being something created by Monokuma it's not hard to assume thay the blood color was intentional, I think Cartman realized what was happening (probably because Cupcake told him) tricked the Killer into thinking that he had left and then altered the scenes of the crime to cause chaos before actually leaving.

Remember the knife and how it was surprisingly clean for how messy everything was? I think that just like the bloddy trail, this was Cartman tempering with the evidence.

So all of the evidence is on the table, some things are very clear, while others not so much, logic and Speculation are mixed to create a path to the truth:

According to my theory, the killer using the Monokaller it stole from Jenny told star to go into the cafeteria, Star went there by using her Dimensional Scissors, creating the first flash that Gaz claims to have seen, the killer then lured Star onto the kitchen, where they left left her unconscious using the tranquillizers they stole from the infirmary, suddenly they heard Cartman coming, and decided to hide itself and Star in a nervy cabinet, leaving the black smudges, they tied Star's hands using a piece of string form the sweater in case she woke up before , Cartman left, Cartman got alerted by Cupcaked and pretended to go back to his room, after he left the killer, took star out of the cabinet and murdered her, then proceeded to use the Dimensional Scissors to escape and get rid of the evidence, this created the second flash that Gaz saw, they left the sweater back into Mabel's lab and also hid Jenny's Monokaller in there as to incriminate Mable, they throw the piece of string in a nervy garbage can, and finally left the sky mask back in the storage room (as how the blood got there, your guess is as good as mine...), while this was happening Cartman got back into the kitchen, point in which he saw the body, using the monosauce (he either had already created later accidentally, or had created now intentionally) created a fake blood trail from the door connecting to the cafeteria all the way to the corpse, he also took the knife the killer had left by the body, washed it and left it on a nervy drawer just to mess with people, after that he left for real, and went back to his room alongside kyle, once he was done removing evidence from the crime scene the killer, opened a final portal to the kitchen so they could leave the Scissors near Star, finally they got back into their own room, waited for the body to be discovered and faked surprise.

Out of our prime suspects there is only one who had the chance to steal the Monokaller and then immediatley leave the room without raising suspicions, there is only one who could have stolen from the infirmary without fear of anybody asking him why he needed medicine, and there's only one who coud have done it.

Morty Smith

I'm 100% certain that he is guilty

And about 80% that the events happened that way.

Morty is the only one who could have done it, and had the reason to do it, but the blood on the sky mask and the hair ball make me doubt of my reconstruction of the events.

Wow this took longer than expected, it was pretty fun though, seeing all of the pieces come together, abd having those moments of realization that force you to rewrite everything, but yeah, this is my theory of who done it and how, is it perfect? Heck no, there's evidence I don't even know how to work into the case.

So leave me your options on my theory, your theories and the overall estructure of the post.

[cow-shampoo]

JESUS????

Kai: Guys. . . Is it gay to walk into church and immediately question my sexuality??

Zane: uh. . .

Cole: What happened??

Jay: WHAT"S THEIR NAME?!?!?

[adowbaldwin]

Baldwins Secret - Part 15?

It was easy to pick up the sound of Baldwins blood boiling, even as a witch without vampire senses "Baldwin" she knocked on the door and cracked it open "can i come in"

"Only if you are here to tell me you are leaving" he hissed

She came in, glass of red in one hand and a handkerchief in the other swaying in surrender "I come in peace with offerings"

She toddled over, passing him the glass as she used his shoulder for support sinking down onto the ottoman "Are you really going to force me out in this state? Matthew had to carry me up the stairs"

"He cant come here" he gritted out "im just about coping with the idea of any of you here, let alone him"

"I dont know what happened, because you wont talk to me, but do you honestly believe Matthew or I would leave my children with Jack if we didnt have full faith im him?"

"Your children arent beautiful unmated vampires" he snapped back

"So you just roam the streets harrasing everyone you meet? What, before i came along Matthew was some uncontrollable nut job?" She was becomming rather impatient "what happened to the man who was trying to marry off his daughers to every wealthy little boy in Rome?"

His jaw tightened "that man you met Diana died along with Antonia"

"Jack is our son, so if he isnt welcome here then neither am I" she seethed "Nor is Rebecca, seen as she has bitten you more then Jack has. Maybe you babysitting her once a month is not a good idea"

His head shot up in shock "What?" The moment of hurt flickering across his face was enough for Diana to dig the knife in

"No, no. I cant expect you to babysit her with such an awful violent streak. Perhaps Chris and Miriam will be good replacements"

The glass shatered in his hands "Chris?" The vein was popping on his neck "MIRIAM?" he barked

"Jack is my son Baldwin, he is no more of a risk to your daughters then a fucking splinter so get over whatever it is making you hate him" she used her mum voice, stern and even. Suprisingly it worked.

"How much do you know of Anthonys time in Egypt?" He spoke softly, eyes glazed

"With Cleopatra? Probably the same as everyone, tragic love story, they both comitted suicide when they were bested by Octa-" the look of his face had her stopping mid sentance "the other guy"

"I followed Anthony to Egypt. There was no questioning that choice, it was easy. He was my oldest friend, my brother in marriage" he cleared his throat "Philippe warned me, begged that I stay in Rome and i just laughed it off. Because who ever invisioned that Octavian would best Anthony? No one. Absolutely no one. Then things started to go wrong. They died and I was branded a traitor" the little drops of blood fell from his eyes and he did not even bother to cover it "Octavian said it was a mercy his soldiers had left me my daughters for the crime i had committed" he swiped his hands over his cheeks to rid himself of those bastard tears "i cannot describe to you, going back to my home seeing my wife and sons slaughtered. She was pregnant too, a few months" he looked away, eyes squeezed shut "Cyrus, Evander and Garrick. Evander was perfect you know, such a good boy. Garrick was a fucking little terror but what i wouldnt give to hold him one last time" Diana was lightly crying, Matthew who was not so secretly eavesdropping felt sorry for him for the first time in 1500 years. The pain of losing a child was unbearable, but three? "I never disobeyed Philippe again after. He sent me to Britain then" he looked to Diana, begging face ridden with hurt "I cannot put them at risk. I cant"

She sniffled "Im sorry" it was all she could say, becuase what else was there to say? She could neither bring them back or relate to his pain "It wasnt your fault you know"

"It was, my arrogance caused me my family. If i could go back i would drag Anthony home by his ear and make him beg for forgiveness. Make him leave that poisonous wretch" he knew in the depths of his soul nothing would have made Anthony leave "Philippe forbid me to avenge their deaths. Thats what hurts the most now, knowing i could have but did not do a thing had i of just ignored Philippe one last time"

"You need to read Antonia's letter" she took his hand in hers, a firm reassuring squeeze "when she handed it to me, she said you would need to hear her voice. I think you need it, as closure"

"I will read it when you and Matthew fuck off down stairs" he turned his head to the door "Repeat any of my history to anyone brother and you will be visiting my wife and sons"

Diana rolled her eyes "always nice to see you two getting on so well"

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

Typical music start

MIRACLES :D

dean just comitted the crime to put toothpast before wetting the toothbrush

ok but where's eileen. did they just forget her.

pie fest. sam is just so done

welp.

aaaand these kids have trauma now

that was efficient

scary winchesters

ok barn scene in coming. it looked like it would be the climax but like. its only been twenty minutes.

and here comes the ads

i would have been touched by Dean's death if I HADN'T BEEN SPOILED ON THE TAGS

ok no but this is actually sad :(

:(

well fuck

gotta love adds that ruin the mood

damn they really just robbed them of their long lived happy ending. like, they better give fucking eternal happiness to sam or what's the point

it feels like sam won't come back to the bunker

well AT LEAST he was mentioned more than once. now go see the angel, please. even though i dont have much hope anymore

oh hey this is the "dean driving alone in the impala" pic we saw

sam did get the happy ending at least :D

im fully expecting stories about this kid at least. if were not too disappointed.

anyway already planning on reading fanfic to feel better for being clowned

like dont get me wrong, that would have been a satisfying ending. if it wasn't for fucking losing cas after a confession, though he was brought back to help jack at least

im not going to yell because i still have respect for the actors and theoretically it wasn't that bad of an ending but. im disappointed. like it really looked like destiel would have made sense, even a simple "Hello Dean" then hug, but whatever

anyway fanfictions time i guess

no but really i would have liked this ending if it wasn't for castiel

[thefleshmustgrow]

under readmore bc this shit gets rly fucking weird after a while srsly warning if ur gonna read this bc i feel sick from the dream

claps hand right so fucking

im skipping past the parts that dont make sense bc it dont rly turn into any kind of story till here ok so like i was in the car with my dad n sister and brother and i wasnt feeling well bc awake me had heart burn ig

we stop for somthing to eat at this place thats like a combo dairy queen, tim hortons, some fish fast food place and taco bell. also i can turn into a fukin goldfish for some reason so i do that.

theres this dude on tv but the tv is like a 2 way comune device. hes the owner of the worlds largest fish farming biusnes and owns the fish shop were eating in and he sees the goldfish and goes m lets cook that and i tell him to fuck off

so hes like whatttt a talking goldfish lets get some scientests on that and i turn back into me and use my deadname for some reasno ig in the dream im not out publicly either

and i tell him to fuck off and its this big thing he gets rly pissed and he tries to tell me i have to give him three compliments a day if i want to still use anything he owns and im like no 3 a week at max and hes like ok and also he wants to meet me for some reason

and this is were the stuff starts to get, weird.

so i jump thru a portal of some kind and it takes me to this tropicalish wetlands reiver were im meeting him. at thius point i reveal i can just shapeshift in general so like ok cool whatever.

some irelevent dream stuff happens and im partially in the water and theres these giant fish and someone goes oh no pirahnahs and im like no, piranahs r small and reltivly harmless to living creatures actually.

but like these weird fish r still there so its like ok, then the dude is there and aparenlty industrialism has goten wildlife fucked up and its a big secret. but suposedly thats also how i can shapeshift i tell him. at this point ive turnd one of my arms into a long alien tentical and i have tenticales sticking out from under the dress im wearing.

so its this big thing. and uh, lil time skip here more dream stuff that dosnt translate to awakeness.

so at this poijnt its kind of revealed that the end of the world is coming from higher forces. this dudes wife desends like and angel and shes holding this rly fleshy blobby constantly shifting baby that also has a halo made of flesh. she tells me their name is angel and the world would have already been ended if angel didnt come to like the world and decide not to.

so now angel is the only thing that can stop whats coming. its all baby themed for some reason. theres this didy as the dreams changes perspective to show the armies coming that goes like “we must fix it from the startt!”

everythings super body horrory at this point to anyway his wife tells me abt his daugter aparently angel has been watching over her for a long time and thats why angel dosnt wana doomsday stuff..

and so aparntly the daughter likes to eat in bed at night and thats cool but ig some of the doomsday babies came down and stated force feeding her and she nearly died. and idont want to describe it bc it was in incredibly sigurbing detail involing a tube and shit anyway so angel comes in later to find this out and angel is rly upset

so angel tells her mom and there out to stop this doomsday stuff.

again i wnaa remind u this is all super body horrory, fleshy, creepy stuff.

umm skip more stuff and im not prespective on me anymore. theres some confusing stuff here of exatly WHAT is being done but ppl r in a spaceship and like the rest of the universe has been corupted, the effect of witch is gliter. but the hero group has managed to scrounge what they need to save everything witch is like some kind of save file they have to find.

cue one of the ppl on bord mentining glitter. hes been infected. the infection spreads rapidly thru the ship till one person remains who has to jump onto this device and start searching for the save file on a shrunken down earth.

they find it. but this dude whos like a rectangle gets hungry and eats it. so our protag has to, jump thr the screen and go INSIDE this dude all shruinks down.

and its all like machinary themed but still fleshy in there and he jumps into this elevator going into the stomache and this flesh dude pulls him out bc ig thats part of the imune system and hes like hey u cant do that yank.

but going down there is the only way to get the save file so our protag tries again. cant rly explain to this imune system dude tho so the imune system dude thinks hes trying to comit susicde and is trying to console him on the conveyer belt. and describing whatl happen if he does go down there. protag dosnt care hes saving reality hes doing what he must.

imune system dude gets crushed in the converyer as some rly sad music plays and the protag reaches the end of the convery. and thats kinda were i woke up.

i can only describe this so well bc im mostly getting it off my mind bc like i said this was all incredibly disturbing and i feel a little sick from it all.

[nickyneshwrites]

Cold chapter 2

ITALICS=Thinking to themself

------------------------------------------------------------

”So could you regale me with your amazing feat Nezumi-san, you say you fought with Shizu-chan”

”You mean how my boys and I completely beat that fuckers ass! Don't know why nobody else could do it especially you Orihara-san"

Izaya let out a dry laugh and plastered on the most believable smile he could muster in front of the would-be gang leader.

It was humans like these that made Izaya remember why he did-what he did,2 weeks...That's how long it had been since he last saw Shizuo, at first he thought the blond was just looking for some time alone- he was looking less angry and more down lately avoiding contact and sleeping in his old apartment instead of their shared flat, and Izaya didn't like that. He was worried and when he heard rumors of some small time gang having attacked and beaten the man (his Shizu-chan), and won a week ago, so he decided it was time to take action.

Days of searching, called in favors and the few broken fingers of a poor underling later Izaya had found and made contact with the leader of the...... It didn't even matter, they attacked his Shizuo.

”Nezumu-san as happy as I am for your victory, Shizuo isn't known to stay down for long” Izaya was fighting to hold his composure he was leaning against a grimy alley wall and fingering his switchblade in his coat's pocket.

The bastard had the gall to stand smugly in front of him.

”Ha from what I heard he goes down pretty easy for you.....”

’!!!!’ Izaya was not pleased...

He let out a mirthless chuckle, ”Nezumu-san no matter how much you boast and flatter I find it hard to believe that you and your crew single-handedly took out Shizuo Heiwajima, so lets cut the pleasantries and get real, where is he now?”.

The sentence was punctuated by a blade being pointed dangerously at the unsuspecting street urchin.

He looked worried, said Nezumi was new to the city and wasn't acquainted with Izaya’s brand of business and it was painfully obvious he thought Izaya was here in this decrepit alleyway to thank or congratulate him...there would be no such thing.

”T-tch like I said man we taught the bastard a lesson after interferin’ in our business and left ’im lying in ’der” the smug look his face fell as he noticed the informant skip closer his red eyes glinting.

”I didn't check to see if he left and I'd be surprised if he could walk after all we di-!!!”

All too late he saw the glint of silver fly towards him, but he did feel warm blood trickle down his side and tastes copper in his mouth as he bit into his tongue, then he saw the very pissed informant charge towards him and armed with another knife only to be kicked to his back.

”I think I've heard quite enough of that from you. It seems you misinterpreted your invitation here this time evening, because of YOU!!!”

Izaya pressed his leg on the handle of the knife stuck probably in Nezumi’s ribs eliciting a pained gasp.

”I can't find my Shizu-chan, so let me correct whatever wrong assumption is drifting around in that empty skull of yours”

He leaned down grabbing then twisting the knife he lodged in the urchins side.

”I'm.Going.To. Make.You.Disappear”

He drove the knife deeper while twisting and adding pressure on every syllable.

The urchin dared to gasp in pain and try to pull away begging for mercy ”S-STOP, I-WE DIDN’T KILL HIM, SO WHY GO AFTER ME!!!” He yelled as another knife was plunged straight through his hand pinning it to the alley floor.

Izaya laughed in the dark grimey alley and without thinking twice then answered.

”Because you touched my property....”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shadows...shadows everywhere, whisking up the walls, casting on the ground and climbing up his body moving to his head, trying to ensnare his mind, whispering the sweet nothings of doubt and self hate in his mind.

He remembers calling Tom telling him he didn't feel well-it was close enough to the truth.

He remembers the buzzing in his head, the numb limbs, the static in his ears.

He was wandering down the street everything was....grey his vision swam with this paste of grey the, people?. They were all more unfocused blobs, he had kept his head down too afraid to see looks of fear and distaste.

He was wet wasn't he....among a sea of shadows and umbrellas he saw his reflection in a shop window.......All he saw was grey.

Shizuo closed his eyes, where was he to look when all he saw was the demons of his mind crawling on the wall's.

Walls?...Where am I?...These aren't my walls...Not Izaya’s walls...Izaya!

What the hell is happening,why isn't he here!? I can't breath I can't think I need...

”Izay....!”

In his frazzled state, Shizuo failed to notice the syringe that was inserted in his arms and as the sedative worked in his system he fell limp on the bed.

The shaking hands of a young man in an lab coat dropped the syringe and quickly headed for the door, he opened the bolts and briskly made his way down to an office and wasted no time in entering.

”Did you do as I instructed” The voice sounded mildly irritated probably due to the fact that they wanted nothing to do with this mess.

”Y-yes S-shiki-dono he's put to sleep with enough sedative to put an elephant to sleep but with his uhm... Unique psysiology it'll only last about twenty four hours...”

Shiki sighed ”Thats good enough, it'll give me time to inform the informant of his whereabouts... Ever since the supposed defeat of Heweijima The fool has been harassing the city gangs more than normal I'm sure he was looking for the blonde”

He looked at the confused scientist.

”I thought that Heiwajima and Orihara hated each other,Heiwajima he was calling out for him... Are the two of them...like that?”

The scientist fidgeted under the intense gaze of the Awakusu-Kai member.

Shiki let out a loud huff then made a non-comital sound.

”It doesn't matter does it all that matters is that we give Orihara what he wants and we get that raging monster out of here what's wrong with him anyways......asides from the wounds he got from the fight”

The young man straightened as he realised the attention was back on him

”Its not my area of expertise but I believe he is going through some sort of delirious episode though I can't tell why” He mumbled out his answer and tried to get the words out as quickly and accurately as he could.

Shiki sat there and took in this new piece of information, what in the world would make someone like Heiwajima Shizuo have an episode....Hmm it seemed everyone did have their own issues.

”Interesting...”

”What was that Shiki-dono?”

Shiki just pointed to the doors.

”Nothing. You can leave now...Also if you breath a word of this outside this room, lets just say you won't be breathing for much long after”

The eyes of the prominent Awakusu-kai member bore deep into the young man.

”U-understood”

And then he left.

Shiki release a breath he didn't know he was holding then scratched his head.

”Ahh this is so much more trouble than it's worth That annoying informant owes me so much for this. But it might be worth a little if I can get him to stop rampaging around the city. Who would have guessed, it seems he cares more than he let on”

Interesting, very interesting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ao3~

Give me your opinion I hope you like it.

[stormyscentagain]

A note to myself

So yeah, I watched a motivating video. Didn't search for it, just found it on instagram and decided to watch till the end. It's called " How to find te perfect relationship" by Adam Roa ...

What cought my attention was the sentence that was displayed in big yellow letters: " You are who you've been looking for". First I was like sure y not. Its a sentence I've seen before, didn't think much into it.

Lately I was asked by a lot of people where is your boyfriend, why dont you have a boyfriend, why do u only have like 5 friends u spend time with, why didn't you lose weight this week, why do you spend so much time inside, why don't you exercise more?

I don't know

I don't feel good... Dont feel like its worth doing so much, like socializing, exercising, when I've been proven many times that it doesn't work.

I've been trying to make new friends and yes I got new friends but its been so long that it feels weird. I've spent so much time trying to keep my old friends together, helping them with everything, lisening to everything they had to say, going with them everywhere, that i forgot that new friendships need time and comitment.

I got to a moment where they were my only friends that i went out with...and when they where away or with other people, busy, I didnt have what to do, where to go, who to go with... So i stayed at home.

I also realised, when my two best friends started fighting eachother, one of them asked me why am I not saying my thoughts, my point of view, what I think of the situation... I first tought that I'm their best friend, i should help them get together. I was doing that but i wasn't saying what i think...

I realised why

Because I was afraid that whatever I say will ruin our friendship... That I'm going to lose them. The only friends that I have will leave and I won't be able to meet new people that will accept me as much as they did.

I didnt know how to handle things but she motivated to speak my mind and I did.

She's not my bestfriend anymore but we still talk from time to time. I loved her with all my heart and mind. But I loved my other bestfriend just as much.

I will never forget her for motivating me

She also said I dont have a personality for always agreeing with everybody and doing what they say. While, right now I don't agree with her anymore, back then I did. And it hurt me

It made me do random things so I can prove that: yes I am who I say I am please believe me, I am cool, I am worth your time.

I got afraid of being boring.

I got past that now but sometimes the first tought i get when someone talks with me isn't "Oh maybe ill make a new friend", its " Please not today i can't keep my cool face for much long". That stoped me from making friends or furthering my relationship with them.

I don't have a grudge on her, because i love her. I know how she is and I hope she gets only the best in life.

Now my other, and actual, only bestfriend, is o complicated person, but i decided to forever be by her side and help her. I still am scared to say too much to her because I'll lose her, but im working on it.

I swear to myself that im going to work on everything I don't feel comfortable with.

Now back to this motivating video.

A friend of his told him to treat himself like he would love, after he complimented, "fiiling her cup constantly and yet treating my own cup so irresponsibly". He realised:

"Deep in my core i knew it was time to stop looking for more until i could look through all my fear and look into a mirror and see clearly that the man looking back at me was the only one who can make me happy and I am already enough"

And now that I've listened to this i realized something too.

I always said to myself that i wish i could find someone like myself, someone that listens to me, talks to me, that helps, someone to trust. And until now I've never found that person... Not until he said : " Couldn't belive that I've been letting myself keep forgetting that I WAS who I was looking for"

I need to work on myself more. And not the kind of self love where i sleep a few more hours, where i eat that piece of food, where i rest more because i think im tired when actually i haven't done shit.

The kind of self love where I progress in life. And from now i need to realise that it's not going to be easy and instant. It's gonna take time and effort.

But I'm gonna get there

So get at it bitch

If you need motivation here's the video:

https://youtu.be/bUMFZM5WBrI

[glorifiedbones]

im telling myself i have to keep going. for this cruise my aunt paid for already. i just need to keep going until my birthday and this gift i am so gracious for. and yet part of me despises it because if it wasnt there i would get out of my bed right now, creep into my kitchen, grab a knife, probably stand still in the kitchen. put it back, pull it back, put it back. id stand there for a couple moments in eerie silence of the night. id contemplate if thats something id really want to do or not. i think the answer is yes. i almost gave my friend a hundred dollars for his birthday cause i figured if im dead i dont need any money. i changed my mind because i thought that was pretty fucked up even for me. i think to myself maybe stay alive long enough just for grandma to die. thats morbid i know; but my grandfather has already passed but the worst part is i think to myself maybe not. because at best she has twenty years left. my worst because i cant wait twenty years. in twenty years ill be forty and im positive ill kill myself before i turn twenty five. if im realistic probably twenty three.

its not healthy you impose your mental health on someone else but sometimes i wonder if i had a significant other id change my mind about killing myself. i like to think itd be because id be happy. but i know you shouldnt impose life altering feelings such as those on someone else. you cant control other people. my metaphorical boyfriend/girlfriend that doesnt exist could leave me. lately ive thought to myself that id be okay with a boyfriend that would abuse me because at least that would mean he hasnt left me. in my sick and twistsd mind that tells me, at least he still cares enough about me to comit domestic violence. and than my stomach turns because holy shit that is mentally ill i shouldnt be wishing that im abused just for some love or pity or attention seeking or whatever the fuck it is im missing so badly in life. i think the answer is yes. id grab the blade and head to my shower turn it on. fill the tub with hot water. place the blade on the counter. id turn back to my bedroom door, lock. closet, new clothes my future dead body clothes. i think about how my corpse would look sometimes. how it would degrade if no one found my corpse. would i have gnats flying over me and maggots crawling over my grey skin and i wonder what i would look like if i had a gun and spewed my brains out all over the wall if i put it in my mouth and pulled the trigger. thats a bit dark but y’know. whatever. id put my dead body clothes on and turn the light off and shut the closet door and grab my phone thats in my room charging on the charger. id pull it off and open up musi. id probably play the playlist my friend made me. or maybe id press shuffle on my whole playlist. it sits on top of the back of my toilet. id sit on my knees on my spiderman bathmat if the tub wasnt full yet while i waited for it to fill. turn it off when it does. grab the blade. step in the tub. sit. lean back. my breathing would be heavy because holy fuck am i really about to do this? its what ive been waiting for, for fucking ages! im jealous of the me i picture in my head right now. because the me in my head right now makes an ugly whimpering sound as i slice two lines dug into my arms and rolled up sleeves. like how hannah baker did on that dumb fucking show. i havent even finished it because it got dumb as shit with the raped girl and her boyfriend. i wonder what noises i would make if someone else was stabbing me. not like a metaphorical lover but like a serial killer or something. though i suppose if i was to go out by a lover than maybe theyd play the part of grieving boyfriend well. or theyd kill themselves after too, one final act of love and devotion. but thats a bit fucked up like romeo and juliet and that wasnt romantic because romeo was a dumb piece of shit who promptly forgot that the plan was to fake their deaths. obviously she wasnt dead you numbskull. and juliet how could you be in love with a man so stupid? how could anyone be in love with a man so depressed like me?

how could anyone look at me and think thats their person? its not a question of am i worthy or not, its a question of am i desirable enough. the answer is im not by the way. raging mental illness is hot on chicks but thats like the bipolar im obsessed with you or im a whore mental illness. not the i am literally fantasizing about my death right now mental illness. is it a crime to want to be the former rather than the later? maybe id wear a black corset and flaunt my breasts and suck cock and get laid and tie long straight brown hair up into a pony tail and get my nails done. but im not a woman and those things arent exactly the me i have in mind. maybe woman me would be cool with that, at least shed be getting laid. but im just me, the male me by the way, and im not confident at all like that. i wish i was a different person. taller, blonder, chiseled jaw, id work out and each vegetables and know how to cook and clean, id be like the boys on tiktok who wore maid outfits for the funny trends, and id probably shop for clothes more often to stay trendy and stylish, id post body checks and thirst traps on tiktok and instagram and maybe id play the guitar better than i already do. pst, i dont really know how to play, im faking it. at least thats what i tell myself in an attempt to self sabotage and diminish any real qualities i may potentially have about myself because the thing is at least if i have nothing going on in my life at all it makes sense to kill myself you know?

but the thing is i play the guitar and i play video games and maybe all my friends are online but those are still friends and i should have reasons to not kill myself, those are plenty good reasons. a family that loves and cares and provides endlessly for me. and im fucking selfish because for whatever reason thats not enough for me. id hiss at the hot water as it stings my skin and id hiss as the blade cuts into my skin and id cry because maybe ill finally be happy if im fucking dead. my blood swirls in with the water. it sloshes over the sides of the tub and onto the false wood of the ground. just another thing my lazy useless selfish self has left for someone else to pick up after. id kill myself in the bathtub because itd make it easier on everyone else to clean up my corpse. the thing is my mother would never know for hours because id do it at night when i make sure shes asleep. shed sleep for eight to ten hours. thatd be eight to ten hours where im dead and she couldnt do anything about it. no more intake systems that kick me out after two days because they either dont care about me or im not depressed enough to warrant a stay or maybe we paid for that and im just too fucking broke to deserve being helped. no more feeling like the most useless person on the planet because im literally a fat as fuck discord admin who lives in their moms basement except im worse because they can get discord kittens and ive never even held someones hand romantically. ive never had my first kiss, ive never had sex, ive never touched another womans breasts or felt the feeling of another mans cock inside me or gone on a date. ive never cuddled someone who noses at my neck leaving soft kisses, ive never made someone giggle so much because i made them feel safe and loved. ive never been with another person and i put all my self worth onto this imaginary person. and its selfish because im expecting this falsehood to cure my illness but ive been depressed for years and its not going to be cured. ill forever be like this. in truth ill probably chicken out because im a pussy and ill leave more words like these and play more games and gain more weight and be more of a loser.

maybe ill kill myself when im thirty two and id live by myself and i dont talk to my mother or father or aunt or uncle. i go to my minimum wage job and go back home again. ive gained a hundred pounds and im a fat ugly fuck who cant see properly because id be too broke to buy new prescription glasses. i have no one to call, no friends, not even online ones, still a virgin, a pathetic no life no one. this is how i see myself now but if im thirty two and still living itd be even worse because thats just a grotesque depressed mother fucker whos pathetic. id drink alcohol so im piss drunk, id have a gun purchased and registered under my name, and id be able to buy it because i havent been medicated since early highschool and theres no legal signs of my depression and truthfully its not thay hard to lie to professionals. but honestly id probably be golden with the gun licensing because they dont exactly have super strict regulations everywhere, so id just go somewhere that doesnt have many. id be drunk off piss warm beer i choked down, maybe fruity vodka because the idea of piss warm beer is disgusting but the beer would be cheaper i think. id choke down the whole six pack, maybe pull out a smoke, id sit in my creaky old chair id probably bought off amazon or facebook market place. the gun and bullet casings would be on a table beside me. id grab and load the weapon, cock it in my mouth and pull the trigger. simple as that. easy as that. id be dead and no one would find my body. my corpse would get caught because a neighbor would complain about a rancid disgusting smell coming from my flat. i wouldnt care about who cleans up after my mess because there is no one to worry about. theyd clean the splatters of my brains and blood off the wall, maybe theyd take a picture or two. is it fucked up that im romanticizing the idea of my death inside my head right now? im fantasizing about my future inevitable demise and i would fucking smile with glee if i wasnt so exhausted.

but its late and im tired and my bottom lip is pushing uncomfortabley close against the skin of my chin. i cant tell if its because of my buck fucking teeth or if its because im getting fatter, the fat flooding to my face. its already all over my stomach and thighs, im disgusting and undesirable. i miss being sixteen because even though i was fucking depressed and suicidal i was skinny because i would starve myself and my mother would never care because she hated me then. whether she would admit it or not i know my mother did not care about me when i was sixteen. and its not just me being dumb as shit “oh everyone hates me” it was genuinely her actions. choosing people who hurt me over me, staying and standing by their side even to this day but its hard to admit that even to myself because if i do that means its true and isnt my mom the one person in the world who should pick me her son over everyone else, would rather pick someone who hurt me and hurt her and it would also mean no one would ever pick me at the end of the world. im almost jealous of him sometimes. he has someone who would pick him and i have staring at my bedroom wall for sixteen hours a day. god im pathetic. i had one french fry today and i regret eating it so much because if i didnt eat it, that would mean i havent ate anything at all today and part of me needs that back. part of me needs sixteen year old me because i had an undiagnosed eating disorder as a cry for help which no one saw or recognized. and now i have body rolls and im almost two hundred pounds. i had an anorexia tumblr account and i was thin and my stomach was flat and i was thin i was so thin and now im fat and its even worse on me because im fucking short as fuck. i had friends i went to homecoming with i had a best friend and it was us against the world but only in my mind because ive never been anyone elses “its us against the world” and i smiled because even though i struggled mentally i had things that i dont have now. im jealous.

i think often about the person i would be if we never moved. id be in college, have a job, shed still be my best friend because i would have never moved, maybe id have a girlfriend because i was super like into chicks back than and maybe id never fall out of love with women the way it seems i so often have a back and forth now. or maybe id be dating the cute boy i had a crush on who picked me up and span me around the lunch room. or maybe id be dating the girl who grinded up on my cock at homecoming, she was cute. i still have her number, id text her since we were friends back then if i still lived there but we arent friends now and i dont live there anymore. i am not that person anymore. i have to wake up and accept the fact that im not him anymore, “your not that guy, pal. your not that pal buddy. your not that buddy, dude. your not that dude, man. your not that man, guy.”

and so the cycle repeats. i fantasize about the knife in my kitchens knife block. i thing about slitting my throat and slicing open my stomach and killing myself often because im depressed and suicidal and unmedicated and im fucking pathetic. because i wont kill myself. every day i wake up and get on my computer and play video games all day. i wont kill myself because im pathetic and scared, because in truth i want to get better because getting better means being happy and being happy means truly living and truly living means im not stuck inside this ugly shell you call a life that ive crafted for myself. i wont kill myself because i dont know if god is real or not and im scared to die because what if the world is just dark after? i dont think i can truly comprehend how isolating death would be. the burning in my brain, the ringing in my ears, hearing the voice that is thinking inside my head, the feeling of my skin and the ache inside my legs. all of it would just stop and i cant comprehend that and im scared of that. but at the same time i think of that lady gaga interview where shes asked if she could do one thing without any consequences, what would she do?

die she answers. she would die.

[the-system-mailbox]

well, hello

sometimes i feel strange. life here is confusing, but life back there was confusing too

i dont smoke anymore. i miss it in a way, but this body doesn’t crave nicotine, so i guess theres no point in making it crave that. jessica would kill me if i did that

jessicas okay i guess

we’re small. jessica likes to help other people. shes smart. im not. you know how it is

im a dumbass. retard. fucking stupid. what im good for is cussing people out and chopping off—

jessica says some things shouldnt be written publically. she took the phone away until i agreed to her terms. fucking asshole.

but yeah. its not like theres much for me to do here. no more drug running, no more murders—at least none comitted by me. cant say im unhappy about that, but fuck, dude, adam, my man, i dropped out of school when i was twelve, and jessica’s got us taking afvanced classes. we have to do math! i hate math so much, and the teacher is a dickwad. i want to punch her in the nose, but cupid cried when they heard that so i guess no dice

im so tired of being fucking dumb. im used to it bro, but like, this sucks. i just wanna like, go destroy some paper with charcols. not that i could ever draw well, but whatever

hope youre nor dead

but i guess you weren’t ever real in the first place. neither was i. thats a fucking thing to try and understand. worse then maths

jessica is upset at all my cursing, so ill stop here before she decides i cant send in this message

fuck you adam

from addes

PS: From Jessica: Apologies for Addes cursing and general attitude. She’s not happy about stuff right now. Believe it or not, the first version was a lot worse. Sorry again <3

.